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| As a disclaimer, this is not, I repeat, NOT a rant against guys. And no, this is not intended to target any guy in particular; just some thoughts I had today. So whoever reads this, please know that I’m not addressing any certain person. Little boys want sport cars. Why? Because they’re hot and fun. They often don’t think about the money or upkeep that comes along with it. All they think is, “Wow, I want it!” Do we blame them? No, they’re just acting like little boys. This naivety however loses its cuteness when the boys grow a little older… Big boys want girlfriends. Why? Because they’re hott and fun. They often don’t think about the commitment or responsibility that comes along with it. All they think is, “Wow, I want her!” Do we blame them? Yes, they’re not little boys anymore. Their motivation ceases to be innocence and turns into thoughtless selfishness. Little boys don’t realize that cars cost something: responsibility, care…oh yeah, and taxes. J As they grow up, they realize the joy of possessing a sports car exceeds the pleasure of it being hot and fun…the joy of earning and possessing something of great value carries a sense of pride. They do not see their cars merely as toys – they treat their cars with respect. Guys, relationships cost something: commitment. If you can’t pay, don’t pretend to be a buyer. | | |
| I read this quote today and it struck me as being so true: "I have held many things in my hands, and I have lost them all; but whatever I have placed in God's hands, that I still possess." - Martin Luther | | |
| So here is a common rat-race cycle we girls often find ourselves in:
He says he loves you. Yes, he continually messes up - but he's sorry this time. Really. And besides, he "needs" you... Sound familiar, girls?
Recently I talked to a 19 year-old girl who just walked away from an abusive boyfriend. Her words sounded familiar: "I thought I could help him." Girls, may I tell you something? If a guy wants help, he'll get it. And if he wanted to change, he would. Sure, nobody is perfect and relationships are great for revealing personal weaknesses and areas we need to work on, but that's not what I'm talking about. I'm referring to those guys we're trying to save. They're messed up, but we think we can help. We're going to save him. We're going to change him. I know – to a certain extent, I've been there - and it's exhausting. The repeated "I'm sorry” just prolongs the cycle. Write it down if you must, but realize that you cannot change someone else. That is Jesus' job. And when you try to play savior to a guy, you are getting in God's way and putting yourself in danger.
If you truly care about him, you'll place him in God's hands - and leave him there. I believe in forgiveness, but I also firmly believe in setting boundaries. You teach people how to treat you. And you're doing an offender no favors by allowing them to continue destructive behaviors.
So forgive, lovingly set boundaries, and keep plowing on. Mouse-wheel relationships cost unnecessary time and energy. So when you must, let it go.
Here’s a song that really encouraged me during a time when I struggled with this very thing; hopefully it will inspire you as well to let go of whatever holds you back:
"Brave":
The gate is wide
The road is paved in moderation
The crowd is kind and quick to pull you in
Welcome to the middle ground
You're safe and sound and
Until now it's where I've been
'Cause it's been fear that ties me down to everything
But it's been love, Your love, that cuts the strings
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave
I am small
And I speak when I'm spoken to
But I am willing to risk it all
I say Your name
Just Your name and I'm ready to jump
Even ready to fall...
Why did I take this vow of compromise?
Why did I try to keep it all inside?
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave
I've never known a fire that didn't begin with a flame
Every storm will start with just a drop of rain
But if you believe in me
That changes everything
So long, I'm gone
So long status quo
I think I just let go
You make me want to be brave
I wanna be brave
The way it always was
Is no longer good enough
You make me want to be brave
Brave, brave | | |
| The deafening silence of my poor little xanga account finally got to me. So, yes, I'm still here - alive and well. Just busy. This morning I was thinking about how easy it is to make habitual "exceptions" when life picks up the pace, such as, "I'm in a hurry, so I'll have my devotions tonight" or "This is crunch time, so I'll deal with that issue later." It's easy to misplace your priorities and justify it with that "exception" mindset. Really though, increased activity is no excuse for misplaced priorities. Life doesn't slow down or pause, no matter what your schedule looks like. This is life. And I don't want it to just happen. I want to live on purpose. Even when I'm in the midst of an active semester, I want to keep my priorities in line. I guess it starts with going to bed at a decent hour...goodnight! :) | | |
| Boring. That’s how two young men described “good guys.” This was followed with the declaration, “You don’t want a ‘good’ guy.” “So what’s your definition of a ‘good’ guy?” I challenged. “A 25 year old who still lives at home with his parents.” That struck me as a very interesting description, so I explained my view: “Hmm…that’s not my idea of a good guy. My definition is a guy who is out in the world; he has the chance to do wrong, but he doesn’t because he values what’s right. A 25 year-old who lives at home isn’t ‘good’ – he’s never been tested. Being sheltered and living off your parents’ values doesn’t make you good.” My sister gave me a book called And the Bride Wore White. It’s not appropriate for all ages, but it definitely ministered to me and where I am in life right now. The author made a very good observation when she distinguished between innocence and purity. You are born with innocence, but purity (or “goodness”) is a conscious, determined choice empowered by God’s grace. Value comes from a resolve made strong through testing – character is only as good as the strength of the temptation. Power and victory come from being challenged and holding fast – and that’s my definition of “good.” And that doesn’t sound boring to me. | | |
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